Impossible Imposter

This photo is the back of the album art for my first album, Start The Change, released in July, 2015. Now Re-releasing exactly 10 years later to the day July 28th, 2025

It's crazy to think that after 20 years of playing music and writing songs that I still become overwhelmed with self doubt and feel like I'm not a real song-writer or musician

Maybe it will help if I just identify as an artist. I'm reading a new book by Rick Rubin, and it says, "a painting is just a painting until you frame it and hang it on then wall, then it becomes art."

Recently one of my new friends in the music industry who is a producer said, "you never really finish mixing a song, you just give up"

I thought it was a bit dark, and perhaps a bit cynical but in all honesty it holds truth.

The song becomes finished when you finally say its done, and post it for the world to hear.

It's done when you say its done, and its art when you gift it to world to be received.

Recently I’ve been thinking about imposter syndrome and how it follows us as we progress in life. 

When I first started playing music I was young and full of wonder,

I had a youthful fearlessness that is necessary for trying new things.

You suck at the start while growing through the beginner phase.

As I progressed during the first ten years I grew more and more out of my childlike wonder and into the trapped adult mind, conditioned by society to constantly compare and analyze my art against others.

It becomes a slippery slope or a dangerous rabbit hole. Everyone does it.

I’m reminded of this concept when I think about the first time I watched the deluxe Blu-ray DVD set of a John Mayer concert where he played a full two hour massive concert with three different bands. He came out, did a solo acoustic performance, (which was unbelievable) Followed by a three-piece blues band that seriously rocked the house, then finished off with his more famous full band production and absolutely killed it!

In the middle of the show, there was some behind-the-scenes footage of John Mayer, Asking his crew with a worried look on his face... If he sounded alright?...

I remember thinking at the time, what the heck is wrong with this guy?

How could he be insecure playing for a stadium of 60,000 people?

Probably one of the most famously known Guitar players of our day and age?

Now that I’m older and have gone through 'more life', I realize how beautiful this memory was and how it shows us that no matter how far we get or how much we achieve and grow, we’re still faced with the same challenges, we still have the same capacity for self doubt that was always there. We still face the same basic challenge to love ourselves, remain humble, and to not get caught up in the comparison of the ego.

It is a beautiful memory. To this day I use it to remind myself that this 'sense of doubt' within us is most likely going to challenge us for the rest of our life.

It becomes OUR job, our mission, our belief, our purpose, to give ourselves permission to chase after our dreams...

To ask, what our 'eight-year-old self' would want us to do?

and understand,

that the only thing our 'eight year-old self' wants us to do is TRY

to pursue our deepest heart's desires

to follow the thing which excites us most

to ignite our soul to bring up the fire within and chase our passions, with a loving kind and generous heart.

This is the goal today!

Understanding that doubt is always going to be there.

I must stay focused on the next set of actions

Live in the excitement of creation since that is what we’re here to do. CREATE

We are creators for every single one of us.

We all have something that we create so the next time that you start to get locked up in the back-and-forth comparison of the ego either comparing yourself to others

or

others to yourself

just recognize it

and let it go

Focus on what you’re going to DO today. 

Just try your best,

do everything you can

And don't you worry what they tell themselves

when you're away....

to close with something cool and memorable

I heard this quote the other day...

When all you’ve got is 40%...

40% IS 100%

Until next time!

Love you all,

with authentic heart,

-Anson